I’m a working mother and it sucks sometimes. I know moms out there can relate. I am not saying being a stay at home mom is easy. Each has their ups and downs. It just gets really really hard.
I go to work each morning and I carry guilt with me. Not that my son even notices. Hes only 8 months. He wakes up next to daddy (we will be sleep training soon) We are a dual income household. I am lucky enough that my husband gets to work from home and take care of him. I know it is not easy for him. We agreed prior to having him how we were going to tackle the childcare situation since it is pretty pricey. I go to my job about 30 mins away. He is able to provide for us but my job has the amazing health care which is very hard to come by these days. I also like having my own income. My husband and I work as a team.
It can be lonely being a working mom. Every morning I leave the warmth of my baby with his milky scented breath and beautiful little sleeping face. I have to sneak out of the room and get ready in the bathroom (I put my clothes out the night before) to avoid waking him up. If I wake him up and he sees me leave for work, its meltdown central and that is not fun for anyone. I have literally left the house a wreck before because the sound of his cries brings me to tears. I was that mom sobbing in her car all the way to work. There are days when I can’t even focus at work.
I wish I could stay 5 more minutes. I wish I could be there in the day holding his little arm while he learns how to walk. I wish I could be there for those monumental milestones. He said mama first and I cried. I have heard it only a handful of times. The rest of the time its dadadada I know that its the easiest thing for them say but it doesn’t make it any easier for me. I tell my husband “oh guess what he just did” but it stings when I hear the “oh ya we have been working on that’. It is sad to me that that I may not be there when he takes his first steps because I am the working mom.
I do not know their daily routine and feel like an outsider sometimes on the weekend because I do not even know my own son’s nap routine. Him and I have our own little weekend morning routine though. I do my best to get home as soon as I can and spend as much time with him as possible before bedtime. I do not have time for mom friends or even regular friends really, because I am at work all day and when I get home, I just want to be with my family. My husband takes him to the YMCA so he gets to play in daycare, so at least I know he is getting the social interaction he needs.
Every day its the same kind of routine. Some days I feel empty even when my heart is full. Monday’s are the worst because I just spend 2 whole days with my family and now I have to wait 5 more days for it to start over. Thank goodness for photos and face time. But again, there are days when it is still not enough. I miss my baby and his little snort laugh. I do my best to have energy when I get home so I can be the perfect mommy even though I have been up since 6am and non stop at work. When he get’s older, I know he will understand why mommy was not with him all day and know that I thought of him every second I was away.