Who is this person looking back at me with the tired eyes? There are days where I feel that I aged 10 years. Ever since I had my son, 8 months ago, sometimes I not feel comfortable in my own skin. When I have my clothes on and everything is covered up, I am at least OK, depending on what I am wearing. It is a little harder at the workplace because I do not want to look unprofessional, but let me tell you, buttons on jeans are still not my friend. Thank you C- Section scar! When I am home and I pass by a mirror, it is hard to recognize myself on certain days. I know I am not the only one going through this.
I’m a breastfeeding mama. The first month I lost all my pregnancy weight. I pulled on my Lululemon leggings and felt like a million bucks, probably why they are so expensive! I posted the “I had my baby and look I’m skinny now” four week postpartum photo, which I do not regret. I was feeling amazing on maternity leave! I was home, eating when I could, breastfeeding and sleeping (I was lucky enough that my little one was a sleeper, not so much anymore). Fast forward 3 months, I get back to work and BOOM! I do not feel like the perfect mommy I once was feeling. I am so far from perfect. I’m super emotional because I am away from my baby, I am tired since I am not used to set hours, and what do you know, the weight is coming back.
There are stretch marks on my stomach (those came in the last week of pregnancy just when I thought I was in the clear), blue veins on my breasts, and hair that is falling out. HOT MESS ALERT!! I am literally hungry ALL THE TIME!! Whyyyy am I hungry all the time??? My back aches (my son is not the smallest baby) and my feet are sore… I know, I know, you want to tell me to suck it up. I have tried to suck it up. Some days I am great, other days I just wanna curl up in my shared bed (baby and dogs have taken over) and hide.
I am not going to lie, this shit SUCKS sometimes and I have to just be OK knowing that. My husband tells me how beautiful I am and as much as I know he is telling the truth with how he feels, deep down, why do I not see what he sees? Maybe it is because he is not a female that had a baby and cannot relate. He is suppose to tell me I’m pretty. He is suppose to make sure I am happy. I mean he doesn’t have too but he does and always with sincerity . He puts up with the ups and downs of postpartum mood swings and bless his heart. I am not the easiest.
I try to make sure I have a support system. I decided about a month ago to go to therapy. To me, my mental health is super important. I told the husband that I wanted to do it to help me become a better person, wife, & mother to our child. I have close friends who are also a new mothers. We talk about the things we experience and the random gross stuff. Any other moms out there feet stink all of a sudden or have body odor when they never did before? NO? YES? Well I do and I do not like it!
Mamas it is OK to think about your self once in a while though. As moms, we give and give and give. We need to stop every now and then and do some self care. Get your hair washed * not done, just washed by someone else. Get a pedicure if that’s your thing. Do something for yourself and do not feel bad about it. I finally just used my Christmas present from the hubs to go to the spa a few weeks ago, its APRIL! I spent all day there with my sister. Sometimes it’s the big things, but most times it is the little things like leaving the baby with your spouse or sitter and getting a pedicure and an eye brow wax! Yup, did that the other night at 7pm after a year of not doing it, and it was better then going to the spa. Its OK. You deserve it! I mean, you grew a child inside you!