Urban dictionary list Mom -Shaming as “Criticizing or degrading a mother for her parenting choices because they differ from the choices the shamer would make. https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mom-shaming
Lately I have seen an abundance of mom-shaming. I see it when I am out and about, I see it in workplaces, and I see it online in mom groups. I often wonder why. Why would another mom shame another mom? I am a new mo. I have questions I want to post on my mom groups but often keep them to myself for fear of being mom shammed. I thought I left that in high school. It’s like a new age Mean Girls. When did it become socially acceptable to make a mother feel bad for her choices/questions one may have? When did this become OK? I thought mom groups were to support one another in the journey of motherhood. A lot of mothers seek support from those groups because many of us do not have a village. Those groups are our village.
It breaks my heart when I see a mother ask for help or a suggestion. What is worse, when another mom defends the mom from the mom that is shamming and then she gets shammed in return. It has happened to me personally. I have even seen it go as far as one mom taking a screen shot of another moms Facebook profile or a photo of mom/nanny and post it on a group with what ever they think that mom or nanny is doing wrong. Then I read all the other mothers jump on the bandwagon. We can be honest, most of us have jumped on that bandwagon. Everyone has their two cents.
It is one thing if it involves child endangerment or the endangerment of the mother. That is a whole other issue. But the whole ” Do you see this child crying and the mom on her phone not caring” or my favorite “The nanny is not even paying attention to the child, DO YOU KNOW THIS NANNY?” is getting out of hand. We all know what I am talking about. Seeing those just make me say to myself “Lady, where is your child and why are you not watching him/her instead of shaming others”
I believe that each child is different in their own way and each situation is different. I personally co sleep right now with my child, he is 8 months old, very strong for his age per his doctor, and still nursing on top of teething right now. We all need our sleep since I work so early in the morning and my husband has to be up with him all day (SAHD). Some may not agree with how my husband and I have it in our household, but they also don’t know the situation. Do they know that we tried sleep training and hearing my little one scream mama while in tears ripped me into pieces? Do they care that my child sleeps 6 hours solid while next to me versus 2-3 hours in his crib? Like I said, each situation is different. What works for one family, may not work for another and that should be OK.
Instead of mom shamming, we need to come together as a whole. Be each others village. Help one another and offer kindness instead of rude comments about how we should parent or handle situations. We are all in this together. No one is perfect. Everyone has flaws. It is what makes us unique and also perfect in our child’s eyes.